It's rough being a writer. Especially a writer who partakes in writing in the form of memoir. I, being one of these writers, struggle with the questions, "Do I share this? Do I include that?" It's tough decision-making people trust me.
And then there's the reader. Readers thrive on dirt. We (yes, I'm a reader too) love the juicy details of fights. We get the goosebumps when we can relate to something messed up. Misery enjoys company. Sometimes we literally think, "This person has snuck into my life somehow and poured it's contents onto their pages claiming it as theirs!" I do this alot with Alanis Morissette's CD booklets that contain the lyrics...and I think, "This f@#king Canadian has done it AGAIN! I need to start copyrighting my shit!" (Alanis if you're reading, you oughta know I was just kidding.)
Then you have "those" people with whom you think of sharing your work with. "Hhmmm," you think, "Can they handle my headiness without judgment?" In Writing 101, you are advised not to share your drafts with "non-writers." As a memoirist, I declare bullshit. I seek support from those closest to me. Support as in: Please read this, don't judge me, just remind me that I love doing this work and love you for constructively pointing me in this direction.
Speaking of sharing, I did something unusual today. I went ahead and emailed the first sixty pages of my memoir to a guy I just started dating. I hit the "send" button and then froze. "Was this the right thing to do?" I asked myself. Then went on, "Why can't I meet someone who comes with a detailed background story that they forward me in an email so that I have a foundation as to what I'm about to get myself into with such a person." The inner dialog got worse, "What if he reads this and never calls again? What if he doesn't even bother reading it? What if he relates to my tales of woe and thinks he's got a wounded partner to wallow in the muck with? I DON'T WANT THAT!!!" After a moment of intense mental conversation and some hyperventilating, I slammed the laptop down and did laundry.
I am extremely proud of my story. It's going to get published whether from a publishing company or my pockets (think: self publishing.) People are going to read it *gasp* and relate *sigh*. People will think it's wonderful while others will wonder, "Why did she leave me out?"
My theory on this is twofold:
A. You can only control your actions and thoughts, not that of others.
B. Who cares what they think anyway?
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2 comments:
You write so wonderfully! I know it was a big step though in sharing your story - at this stage - with someone else. As for blogging, I've recently realized how delicate the balance is in sharing what is really going on with me vs. what I want my readers - whoever they all might be - to know about me. Bloglandia is interesting, huh?
xo,
Karen Beth :)
zazazu.wordpress.com
I have two rules of writing. First is stolen from the movie Finding Forrester-"The first rule of writing, is to write."
My second rule is simple. Be true to yourself. Whatever emotions, thoughts, or connotations may pour out of you, just make them honest. If you think it's funny, sad, important, relevant, it doesn't matter what others think. There is bound to be someone out there who can relate in some way.
Which leads me to the balls you had in sending your memoir to the new guy you're seeing.
I can honestly say if I was dating someone, and they showed that level of trust and faith in me, I would be blown away. And I would absolutely read it with an open mind. I would not judge. With that said it was still a highly risky move you made, but one that I think no matter how he handles it, or responds, is the right move.
My reasoning is simple:
First- If he reads it and doesn't run and or judge, then you now know with a fair degree of certainty that you can talk to this man about anything and he'll be there for you.
Secondly- If he fails to show you that level of respect and maturity, then you know exactly what you are dealing with and you can move forward accordingly based on how you feel about it.
So you see, it's a win-win situation no matter how you look at it.
Trust is built on moments like these. True trust only comes when we are tested by each other, and I don't mean in scheming ways, but rather in the most intimate of ways.
I dated a girl a while back who is Bi-Polar. A week after we started to date, she sat me down and very honestly told me about her condition (of which I knew nothing about at the time). I could have jumped in my car and flew back down I95 and never looked back. But my response was simply-"Would you dump me because I'm deaf in one ear?" and she said "No" And I said, "There's your answer." And at that moment we realized that we had strengthened our bond together, because of the honesty and faith she showed me. And my reciprocity.
How ever your risk works out, just remember how amazing a person you are and keep moving forward.
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